Happy RED Day!

“Happy Red Day”, my mom would say as she woke us up on February 14th. My two brothers and I would race downstairs, sit at the kitchen island, and dig into our red bag, which had been thoughtfully filled with all kinds of red toys, red candy, red accessories, etc. My mom really went all out on holidays, and created some of the most special memories for us three kids. Now, she’s spoiling the heck out of my four kids and her other grandkids, but that’s a different story.

As a kid, I had no idea Valentine’s Day was supposed to be this romantic holiday until a fourth grade classmate brought me a gift and homemade card to school, and asked me to be his valentine (I said no. Sorry, Kevin.). As time went by, I wasn’t a VDAY hater, announcing that it’s a made up holiday so that the card companies can make money, but I didn’t stress about whether I was going to be asked out by a boy either. I was more excited about what was going to be in my RED Day bag, and what kind of treats I was going to get. By high school things shifted to be more about my friends, so I would buy the $1 carnation to send to them in their third period class, or send them a singing telegram to support the choir fundraiser. As someone who has the love language of gifts and service, this made ME so happy . . . but, I often found myself upset, as many people with my love languages do, because I was giving but not always receiving. Broken friendships over the years probably made me more jaded about this holiday than boys did. I already knew most of them were stupid, LOL, but I really expected so much from my friends. In hindsight, I doubt there was any malicious intent from the majority of them (don’t get me wrong, there were definitely some mean girls), and they just showed their love in different ways. And, since we keep it real here, I can admit that I likely made an idol out of my friendships. I didn’t become a Christian until I was 17 (and even still, my early years walking with God were closely intertwined with a very serious boyfriend, so things were very confusing . . . but that’s another story), so I am sure much of the expectations I was putting on my earthly friendships would have been better fulfilled had I known God. All that to say, by the time I got married I played it off as disliking VDay, joining sides with the people who grumble that it’s a Hallmark holiday, but I think I just wanted to protect myself from getting hurt. You know, because if you lower your expectations, people are more likely to meet them, and you will be happier, right? MEH.

This past year, while filled with all kinds of challenges, was also filled with many unexpected blessings. While the world was shut down, we were able to spend a lot of time together as a family and had weekly play dates with my parents. It really taught me to slow down, appreciate the simple joys in life, and check in with loved ones. My mom recently had a health scare, and, it showed me two things: 1, Trusting in anything other than the secure, saving love of Jesus, is meaningless. I spent a lot more time in prayer while my mom was sick than I had when things were going well. 2, Life is but a vapor (see Ecclesiastes), and we are not promised tomorrow. My husband and I have talked about how we intend to love and serve others well while on this side of Eternity. Whereas we wouldn’t have previously made a big deal about or made the effort to celebrate this day, we decided we needed to change our perspective about Love Day. This day, (and truly, every day), is an opportunity to love others well and, most importantly, share the perfect, unending, saving love of God with them. For us, that meant making all kinds of GF/DF treats with the kids, attending a special RED Day celebration at my parents’, and proudly wearing red today. I hope that my kids grow up knowing how loved they are (by the Lord and their family), and have fond memories of their childhood. Life is too short to hold grudges, be pessimistic, or refuse to celebrate. Now, excuse me while I go attempt to make heart-shaped meatloaves, and say YES to my kids eating more chocolate covered strawberries.

Halloween, the Whole30, and Handing out Books?

I have so many fond memories of Halloween as a kid. Some of them include candy, like how my brothers and I would dump out our plastic orange pumpkins on my parent’s green carpet, separate our stash by type of candy, and then trade for our favorites (Reese’s, duh!). More, however, are the fond memories of dressing up (in this exact costume that my daughter is wearing here), holding hands with my dad while we went trick-or-treating in our neighborhood, and carving pumpkins with our best friends. With only a few more days before Halloween this year, my four kids are sharing in my nostalgia and excitement.

When I began my first Whole30 five years ago, I wasn’t thinking how it would impact and infiltrate every part of my life. At first, it was mainly about weight loss, and I was pleasantly surprised to experience what we call “nonscale victories”, or NSVs, such as clearer skin, decreased symptoms of anxiety and depression, and my wedding ring fitting again. As time went on, though, and I determined both the kinds of foods that made me feel my best, and the habits around food I needed to adopt to make a permanent lifestyle change, my entire mindset around food began to shift. Five years ago I wouldn’t have batted an eye about buying candy and handing it out to kids on Halloween. I’d tell myself, “This is what Halloween is about!”, or, “It’s just one night!”, and then I’d enjoy mini Snickers and Reese’s pumpkins every day for the next few months. But, just as I was convicted about the food I was feeding my kids years ago (which led me to the Whole30), I have been convicted about spending money on a product I rarely let my own kids consume, AND THEN passing it out to my neighbors. It seems hypocritical to me, and an opportunity to model how I strive to “know better, do better”.

Now, before you blow up my comments, I am not saying that if you choose to do Halloween differently, that you’re wrong or bad for it. This comes down to an issue of conscience, and mine may direct me differently than yours, and that’s OK! I have PLENTY of areas where I am still trying to figure out how I can do better (ex: buying higher quality food on a one-income budget, reducing plastic waste, and being very thoughtful about who I support with my money). I genuinely believe that we are all just doing the best we can to raise our kids. There is zero judgement towards you and the choices you make for your family. Instead, this issue is about a judgement call I have made for mine.

In years past I have handed out play-doh, stickers, temporary tattoos, finger puppets, and bouncy balls, but when a friend told me you can buy books at the Goodwill outlet for $.15 per inch, it was not only a cheaper option, but one that sat better with my conscience. So, this year, for the second year in a row, I am handing out used books instead of candy! I’m setting a huge stack of books on my porch with a sign that says, “Fairytales, mysteries, or recipes to cook. . . Instead of one more piece of candy, please enjoy a book!”, then I’m going around with my kids to make memories with them. I did this last year and had all kinds of feedback. Some neighbors said they loved it, and they enjoyed helping their little one dig through the books and choosing one that they liked. Others, including the boys who have become my son’s best friends, told me they thought it was weird, LOL. However things go this year, I’m sure the kids in the neighborhood will still have a SWEET Halloween without one more piece of candy!

So, you might be thinking, “That’s great, Kelly, but didn’t you say you’re taking your kids trick-or-treating around the neighborhood? Why would you do that if you aren’t willing to participate in handing out candy?”

That’s fair! As much as I’d love to change the system, I don’t see how my kids skipping trick-or-treating is going to put pressure on the 79 billion dollar global candy market. I do my part by not passing out candy, and hopefully inspire others to do the same, but I also don’t want to deprive my kids of the fun this time of year. There are so many teachable moments regarding moderation, natural consequences (belly aches and poor attitudes from chemicals we don’t usually ingest), and Food Freedom (deciding what’s truly worth it), that I would be a fool to not impart wisdom on my kids while they are in my care.

Here are the ground rules my husband and I have established for this particular holiday:

1. Dress up, collect as much candy as you want, and come home, excited to look through the treasure.

2. Choose one piece to eat right then and there as we sort. (I always find it so funny which piece they choose. It’s not usually the biggest or even the best, in my opinion.)

3. Pick three more pieces to put in the pantry to eat at a later date. Usually they choose to eat one piece for the next three nights after dinner, but occasionally they may skip a day. In doing this, they’re learning to navigate Food Freedom and the difficult decision of if they truly want something and deem it worth it in the moment.

4. Everything else gets donated, because I certainly don’t need it in the house, beckoning my Sugar Dragon, and I don’t want to deal with my kids asking for it 284 times a day!

These guidelines allow us to enjoy a few pieces of complete junk, laden with GMO high fructose corn syrup and food coloring, without letting one spooky night derail us from our regularly scheduled healthy eating. These guidelines are also . . just guidelines, which means we still have the freedom to adjust our plan in the moment. That way if we are totally feeling the moment and want to let our kids eat more, we can! Or if our kids are acting like the mythical creatures they’ve dressed up as and need to get to bed ASAP, we can postpone eating the candy for another night.

Here’s to making memories with our kids, having conversations with our neighbors, honoring family traditions, and in my case, decluttering the zillion books my kids have acquired since last Halloween. However you celebrate, I hope it’s a lot of fun!